I just found this awesome site/charity which helps people conceive through nutritional supplementation and avoiding toxins etc Their success rates are outstanding. Just look at the table and see how few people have miscarriages after having completed their program. Its almost unbelievable.
After a long talk with the lady on the phone, she told me most of their participants are in their late thirties and early forties. They just had a lady age 48 get pregnant with her own egg!
I am sending in a sample (ok - of all of my pubic hair) to be analyzed. She told me it was very likely my hormones were out (as my geographic tongue gets worse on ovulation - and now I realize this is the exact time my Sage gets sick - yes I am still feeding) and suggested in the mean time I take extra Zinc and be sure to have enough selenium and manganese too.
It should take a month to get my results and I can't wait!
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Friday, January 24, 2014
Head in the clouds
After much debate as to whether I should save my seed until my tongue looks perfect (from the acupuncturist's stand point) or plant it before I get even older - finally managed to make my decision. Firstly I should say that overwhelmingly everyone said - PLANT NOW - (many thanks for the comments), and thats what I really wanted to do, but then something happened.
I was out with Sage at the park meeting another SMC. They got delayed, it was freezing and by the time they arrived I was ready to go home. But then the sun came out and we warmed up. I asked what she thought I should do and she said "DO IT NOW." We played some more, kicking the ball around with the kids, trying to catch them, etc. Until suddenly she said "You know I've never seen you like this, full of energy, running around, having so much fun, Perhaps you SHOULD give yourself a whole month of feeling good before you plant". And the idea of waiting and feeling full of energy suddenly seemed even more appealing than feeling run down and pregnant. Also I realized it would put me closer to spring when naturally everything grows. So there was my plan.
Then I went home and it so happened that the next carer to come look after Sage was the lovely girl who met me the very first time when I was struggling with insanity and worse after Sage was born. In fact she had to counsel me / I tortured her - for an entire night, when I was too ill to cope. She immediately said "Another month of feeling well, could only be a good thing if you are to get through a whole pregnancy and delivery." So there was no changing my mind.
The next day was my birthday, a great day, I turned 43. Now I consider myself to be a fairly smart in life, on the ball, up to date sort of person, so I was shocked to be reading a blog and find out that as of 43 I am now too old to even attempt IVF at all but 3 clinics across the US. Why did my doctor never mention it to me during the whole last year , or even when they gave me the promotion for 2 IUI's leading to IVF. She never said " but you have only 3 months to use this".
Turns out the success rates for people at my clinic for ages 41-42 with IVF is only 9 percent! Good job I had always thought of not wasting my money in town (I plan on an extraordinarily expensive trip to colorado!)
So now I try to remain positive that it doesn't matter that I am so old - because my perfect tongue and acupuncture will do the trick - or a medicated IUI cycle thereafter! Oh and my new thing is going to be hypnotherapy - I just have to get an appointment - she's booked for the next 6 weeks!
And I still haven't ovulated yet on this cycle - perhaps I am already too old to ovulate? - Or perhaps Sage has been breast feeding a little more than I have admitted even to myself. I am now 3 or 4 days late for ovulation - one just too many extra feeds - and a couple unmentionable feeds in the night.
Only yesterday she wanted milk on awaking from her nap - I gave it to her, and the carer said afterwards "It must have been the milk - she was just so calm and easy to play with all evening." How on earth do mothers do it without breast milk - I have no idea. When my baby - ok she's 25 months now, feeds from me she is the easiest child in the world. If however she has Camel milk (what we call goat or cow milk) she is just a regular impossible two year old!
I was out with Sage at the park meeting another SMC. They got delayed, it was freezing and by the time they arrived I was ready to go home. But then the sun came out and we warmed up. I asked what she thought I should do and she said "DO IT NOW." We played some more, kicking the ball around with the kids, trying to catch them, etc. Until suddenly she said "You know I've never seen you like this, full of energy, running around, having so much fun, Perhaps you SHOULD give yourself a whole month of feeling good before you plant". And the idea of waiting and feeling full of energy suddenly seemed even more appealing than feeling run down and pregnant. Also I realized it would put me closer to spring when naturally everything grows. So there was my plan.
Then I went home and it so happened that the next carer to come look after Sage was the lovely girl who met me the very first time when I was struggling with insanity and worse after Sage was born. In fact she had to counsel me / I tortured her - for an entire night, when I was too ill to cope. She immediately said "Another month of feeling well, could only be a good thing if you are to get through a whole pregnancy and delivery." So there was no changing my mind.
The next day was my birthday, a great day, I turned 43. Now I consider myself to be a fairly smart in life, on the ball, up to date sort of person, so I was shocked to be reading a blog and find out that as of 43 I am now too old to even attempt IVF at all but 3 clinics across the US. Why did my doctor never mention it to me during the whole last year , or even when they gave me the promotion for 2 IUI's leading to IVF. She never said " but you have only 3 months to use this".
Turns out the success rates for people at my clinic for ages 41-42 with IVF is only 9 percent! Good job I had always thought of not wasting my money in town (I plan on an extraordinarily expensive trip to colorado!)
So now I try to remain positive that it doesn't matter that I am so old - because my perfect tongue and acupuncture will do the trick - or a medicated IUI cycle thereafter! Oh and my new thing is going to be hypnotherapy - I just have to get an appointment - she's booked for the next 6 weeks!
And I still haven't ovulated yet on this cycle - perhaps I am already too old to ovulate? - Or perhaps Sage has been breast feeding a little more than I have admitted even to myself. I am now 3 or 4 days late for ovulation - one just too many extra feeds - and a couple unmentionable feeds in the night.
Only yesterday she wanted milk on awaking from her nap - I gave it to her, and the carer said afterwards "It must have been the milk - she was just so calm and easy to play with all evening." How on earth do mothers do it without breast milk - I have no idea. When my baby - ok she's 25 months now, feeds from me she is the easiest child in the world. If however she has Camel milk (what we call goat or cow milk) she is just a regular impossible two year old!
Saturday, January 18, 2014
What should I do?
My last IUI resulted in a chemical pregnancy, I had a little implantation bleeding (then my daughter got really sick and started feeding through the night for 3 nights) - and the acupuncturist was out of town for 10 days - and my geographic tongue got worse and worse by day. (It was perfect at the IUI). Then I was down to one line - BFN
My next IUI should be in a matter of days, my tongue has only just now returned to how a good tongue should look (after the last cycle bringing me down). The acupuncturist says skip this cycle and give my tongue and body a whole month of feeling well. The thing is I turn 43 this month and I know I don't have many time on my side - and next month there may be some other problem - flu - cold etc!
This next IUI will be my last natural one as I will start running out of Sages' donor. If this does not work I plan for two medicated and then one IVF (at a famous and extremely expensive out of town clinic) and then a donor egg cycle.
I worry that if the reason the last IUI didn't work was due to egg quality then I shouldn't be missing yet another cycle - this month's could be a good egg? If the reason was that I was breast feeding too much or something to do with my tongue- and then this can easily be fixed - the acupuncturist is not going put of town - but waiting another month might be better.
To make matters even more complicated the acupuncturist says if I have an auspicious dream then I should go ahead this month! What is that? (I suppose no dreams of the baby being a mass murderer for starters!) And no matter what I decide she will support me. The problem is - I don't know what to do, if I could get pregnant now I could go to a very awesome job interview out of town next month (this sort of job only comes along once in a blue moon, and I stand a very good chance of being seriously considered for it - having said that it isn't in the greatest city). But I won't be able to go through the interview process (out of town) if I am planting the seed next month.
The cycle after that would put me giving birth at Christmas day. I did this with Sage and finding any help from caregivers over the christmas and new year period is near impossible. I would almost miss that following cycle (March) just not to repeat the experience which nearly had me committed to an asylum after Sage was born.
Please tell me what you think I should do! Plant the magic seed this month or wait one more cycle? (The palm reader assured me I will be heavily pregnant or already given birth by november of this year) Stupidly I believe her - but if only she had told me which month to plant the seed!
My next IUI should be in a matter of days, my tongue has only just now returned to how a good tongue should look (after the last cycle bringing me down). The acupuncturist says skip this cycle and give my tongue and body a whole month of feeling well. The thing is I turn 43 this month and I know I don't have many time on my side - and next month there may be some other problem - flu - cold etc!
This next IUI will be my last natural one as I will start running out of Sages' donor. If this does not work I plan for two medicated and then one IVF (at a famous and extremely expensive out of town clinic) and then a donor egg cycle.
I worry that if the reason the last IUI didn't work was due to egg quality then I shouldn't be missing yet another cycle - this month's could be a good egg? If the reason was that I was breast feeding too much or something to do with my tongue- and then this can easily be fixed - the acupuncturist is not going put of town - but waiting another month might be better.
To make matters even more complicated the acupuncturist says if I have an auspicious dream then I should go ahead this month! What is that? (I suppose no dreams of the baby being a mass murderer for starters!) And no matter what I decide she will support me. The problem is - I don't know what to do, if I could get pregnant now I could go to a very awesome job interview out of town next month (this sort of job only comes along once in a blue moon, and I stand a very good chance of being seriously considered for it - having said that it isn't in the greatest city). But I won't be able to go through the interview process (out of town) if I am planting the seed next month.
The cycle after that would put me giving birth at Christmas day. I did this with Sage and finding any help from caregivers over the christmas and new year period is near impossible. I would almost miss that following cycle (March) just not to repeat the experience which nearly had me committed to an asylum after Sage was born.
Please tell me what you think I should do! Plant the magic seed this month or wait one more cycle? (The palm reader assured me I will be heavily pregnant or already given birth by november of this year) Stupidly I believe her - but if only she had told me which month to plant the seed!
Thursday, January 9, 2014
post IUI pregnancy symptoms!!!!!!! - well sort of
The day of the IUI, I worry that I don't feel that sizzle in the tits that I have after so many other (failed) IUI's and my pregnancy with Sage. Also I worry that 14.5 hours after ovulation may have been too late for the insemination (sometimes the egg can live only 12 hours, and I am turning 43 next month.)
The night after the IUI I have the WORST dreams EVER. All of them are about me being completely charmed by a little boy who turns out to be a mass murderer. I wake up because I am really thirsty. I freak out and pray to god I am not pregnant or that the baby is a girl.
I wake up with another horrible dream about a nasty man, but upon rising begin to feel extremely well, confident and happy. The day goes very well, but in looking in the mirror it is clear my geographic tongue has suddenly gotten worse. I notice crampings mosty on my left side (where I ovulated) but some on the right too - I am begin to wonder. At night I look at my tits (nipples) and wonder if they don't seem a bit rounder.
Two days post ovulation - I need to pee in the night, and have another dream about a charming man with the most gorgeous face. IRW -I know I will be having a boy - the palm reader told me.
In the afternoon I feel suddenly weak / faint and Sage won't nap so my mother plays with her while I lye down. The cramping pains are still coming along - and I wonder if I am not peeing more often.
Later I decide to take Sage - and my mom to the nature museum. Throughout the afternoon we bump into friends / acquaintances who all have children younger than Sage - each of them in turn tells me they are pregnant with baby number two - who happens to be a boy. I begin to wonder how if this isn't a sign.
I notice at bedtime that my groin is somehow swollen - the pains are coming from more the center of the uterus not the left side so much any more.
A lot of cramping pains. Upon waking I notice the joints in my hands really hurt. (They did this a little during my pregnancy with Sage - and for about a year after (intensely) - I gave up eating wheat, and it got 98% better. I freak out. I notice for real somehow my whole breasts hurt, and it isn't that I have too much milk. I know I am pregnant and I hear my mother's voice in my mind saying "you can never do this - abort the baby" I wonder if she isn't right.
Three days post ovulation. I wake in the morning to a dream where the doctor shakes my hand and tells me "Mam the reason you have not been feeling well is because you are pregnant - most definitely so" I mumble something about it being too early to tell but he says "Mam you are pregnant, imperial evidence says it is so, Congratulations." I awake and am extremely happy and confident - I don't feel any symptoms, but I know it. I am pregnant!
During the day I wonder, and I really pregnant with a baby who turns out to be a murderer - surely nothing is set in stone - before the birth? But in all my dreams I am so charmed by this child/man - does it matter if the man who brings me the greatest fulfillment in life turns out to be an awful person. A big debate / freak out is going on in my mind.
Aside from these unsettling thoughts the day day is a luxurious one, I am lucky to get adjusted by the chiropractor and have a massage. I feel fabulous. For the first time in days my lower back stops hurting. I feel no odd pains in the pelvic area at all.
The following night there are no dreams - the back ache returns, and I finally pull out my old pregnancy pillow - It works wonders. How did I ever sleep without it?
Four days post ovulation, I feel great, a little weak on first rising but overall great. In a scramble to get out of the door to get Sage to the eye doctor (i.e. running upstairs with a 24 lb Sage to change a diaper) I get huge uterine contractions very low down - I do not worry - i had this through the whole of my pregnancy. I am quietly confident. The pains come and go all morning. My geographic tongue is looking really awful - i am not sure if this is a good sign (something definitely going on - or a bad sign - my body is not coping well). Some slightly yellow vaginal discharge.
Five days post ovulation I feel no twinges for nearly the whole day. For a moment I lose my quiet confidence that I am indeed pregnant - this its the time when other cycles have gone out. But either way this cycle has been so much better than my others - which somehow seemed to wipe me out and make me exhausted. I may not be pregnant but I feel good. Not long after I am in the bathroom to pee. Most of the mucus has gone - I wonder if it isn't a little brown. As I wipe I notice a very small amount of blood - YAY (implantation bleeding!) - I search for more - there is none. Later that night I have a little more cramping. I am hopeful again!
Six to nine days post ovulation, Sage gets really sick. She coughs, she throws up - five times in one evening, my mother mentions something about us going to the ER. I realize that things are not that serious, but it ends up with the Sage breast feeding from me every two hours 24 /7. I worry that the prolactin will stop the embryo implanting properly - but I only find evidence on the internet to show prolactin stopping ovulation. I feel I have no choice but to feed her, because I have no other good way to cope with her being so ill - the milk quiets her and lets her stop coughing and lets her sleep. We go see the acupuncturist who spends much of my session working on Sage (with acupressure). My (geographic) tongue looks dreadful. We all know I should not be feeding Sage.
The time to test has come. I am Not pregnant. I was for a short time after the implantation, for two days I got a very faint positive. Now there is only one line. I decide that the reason the egg did not plant probably has more to do with my egg quality than the fact that Sage breast fed through the night for tree nights. But who knows? At least I won't be giving birth to a mass murderer.
Now I have to decide if I want to take medications or try my very last natural cycle. And I figure it might also be a very good time to talk to a therapist about some of my latent fears of having a second baby.
The night after the IUI I have the WORST dreams EVER. All of them are about me being completely charmed by a little boy who turns out to be a mass murderer. I wake up because I am really thirsty. I freak out and pray to god I am not pregnant or that the baby is a girl.
I wake up with another horrible dream about a nasty man, but upon rising begin to feel extremely well, confident and happy. The day goes very well, but in looking in the mirror it is clear my geographic tongue has suddenly gotten worse. I notice crampings mosty on my left side (where I ovulated) but some on the right too - I am begin to wonder. At night I look at my tits (nipples) and wonder if they don't seem a bit rounder.
Two days post ovulation - I need to pee in the night, and have another dream about a charming man with the most gorgeous face. IRW -I know I will be having a boy - the palm reader told me.
In the afternoon I feel suddenly weak / faint and Sage won't nap so my mother plays with her while I lye down. The cramping pains are still coming along - and I wonder if I am not peeing more often.
Later I decide to take Sage - and my mom to the nature museum. Throughout the afternoon we bump into friends / acquaintances who all have children younger than Sage - each of them in turn tells me they are pregnant with baby number two - who happens to be a boy. I begin to wonder how if this isn't a sign.
I notice at bedtime that my groin is somehow swollen - the pains are coming from more the center of the uterus not the left side so much any more.
A lot of cramping pains. Upon waking I notice the joints in my hands really hurt. (They did this a little during my pregnancy with Sage - and for about a year after (intensely) - I gave up eating wheat, and it got 98% better. I freak out. I notice for real somehow my whole breasts hurt, and it isn't that I have too much milk. I know I am pregnant and I hear my mother's voice in my mind saying "you can never do this - abort the baby" I wonder if she isn't right.
Three days post ovulation. I wake in the morning to a dream where the doctor shakes my hand and tells me "Mam the reason you have not been feeling well is because you are pregnant - most definitely so" I mumble something about it being too early to tell but he says "Mam you are pregnant, imperial evidence says it is so, Congratulations." I awake and am extremely happy and confident - I don't feel any symptoms, but I know it. I am pregnant!
During the day I wonder, and I really pregnant with a baby who turns out to be a murderer - surely nothing is set in stone - before the birth? But in all my dreams I am so charmed by this child/man - does it matter if the man who brings me the greatest fulfillment in life turns out to be an awful person. A big debate / freak out is going on in my mind.
Aside from these unsettling thoughts the day day is a luxurious one, I am lucky to get adjusted by the chiropractor and have a massage. I feel fabulous. For the first time in days my lower back stops hurting. I feel no odd pains in the pelvic area at all.
The following night there are no dreams - the back ache returns, and I finally pull out my old pregnancy pillow - It works wonders. How did I ever sleep without it?
Four days post ovulation, I feel great, a little weak on first rising but overall great. In a scramble to get out of the door to get Sage to the eye doctor (i.e. running upstairs with a 24 lb Sage to change a diaper) I get huge uterine contractions very low down - I do not worry - i had this through the whole of my pregnancy. I am quietly confident. The pains come and go all morning. My geographic tongue is looking really awful - i am not sure if this is a good sign (something definitely going on - or a bad sign - my body is not coping well). Some slightly yellow vaginal discharge.
Five days post ovulation I feel no twinges for nearly the whole day. For a moment I lose my quiet confidence that I am indeed pregnant - this its the time when other cycles have gone out. But either way this cycle has been so much better than my others - which somehow seemed to wipe me out and make me exhausted. I may not be pregnant but I feel good. Not long after I am in the bathroom to pee. Most of the mucus has gone - I wonder if it isn't a little brown. As I wipe I notice a very small amount of blood - YAY (implantation bleeding!) - I search for more - there is none. Later that night I have a little more cramping. I am hopeful again!
Six to nine days post ovulation, Sage gets really sick. She coughs, she throws up - five times in one evening, my mother mentions something about us going to the ER. I realize that things are not that serious, but it ends up with the Sage breast feeding from me every two hours 24 /7. I worry that the prolactin will stop the embryo implanting properly - but I only find evidence on the internet to show prolactin stopping ovulation. I feel I have no choice but to feed her, because I have no other good way to cope with her being so ill - the milk quiets her and lets her stop coughing and lets her sleep. We go see the acupuncturist who spends much of my session working on Sage (with acupressure). My (geographic) tongue looks dreadful. We all know I should not be feeding Sage.
The time to test has come. I am Not pregnant. I was for a short time after the implantation, for two days I got a very faint positive. Now there is only one line. I decide that the reason the egg did not plant probably has more to do with my egg quality than the fact that Sage breast fed through the night for tree nights. But who knows? At least I won't be giving birth to a mass murderer.
Now I have to decide if I want to take medications or try my very last natural cycle. And I figure it might also be a very good time to talk to a therapist about some of my latent fears of having a second baby.
Sunday, December 29, 2013
broken record IUI no 8
I haven't been able to plant my magic seeds for the last 6 months - and this is unfortunate because in a few weeks I turn 43, and my eggs are getting very stale.
I was held up by a number of factors, moving house, a request on my part for a test for uterine polyps which the doctor miss timed, losing me another cycle, then the need for surgery to remove polyp (turned out to be scar tissue), my inability to wean my daughter, signing up with a new acupuncturist who assured me my pulse was too weak and I could never hold a pregnancy etc. Then last cycle she was checking me over and had given the all clear to go ahead, when I mentioned something about a pulse in my stomach.
I had always noticed this pulse after implantation in the lower back and navel and assumed it had something to do with being pregnant (I had it all through my pregnancy with Sage). Turns out she said it was extremely bad and meant my adrenals are totally out of whack. I was a bit shocked she had never picked this up before, (as my pills and potions lady always goes on about my adrenals being stressed) - How did I never mention it! So that cycle too was canceled.
After going nearly 3 times a week for two months for acupuncture, - I have (spent a lot of money - but less than IVF with no insurance) and as usual have had a very stressful life. This last cycle the acupuncturist said I was still not ready. I was so upset.
Acupuncturist off on holiday and office closed - I was surprised to get a text message from her on christmas day, saying she had changed her mind and if it wasn't too late I should try! Actually I was a bit pissed off.
I can only assume she consulted her oracle and it told her waiting another month would probably be worse!
So in two months of acupuncture, I have managed to start sleeping much better - through the night sometimes, my geographic tongue has not been better (in the last 3 years) and life has gotten a little easier. Whether this makes me a baby or not remains to be seen.
When I went in to the clinic the day after my OPK surge, I knew I had already ovulated the night before. Doc could not find a dominate follicle, so supposed I was correct, and my progesterone was just where it should be - so 15 hours after ovulation I was given IUI number 8!
Prayers please!
I was held up by a number of factors, moving house, a request on my part for a test for uterine polyps which the doctor miss timed, losing me another cycle, then the need for surgery to remove polyp (turned out to be scar tissue), my inability to wean my daughter, signing up with a new acupuncturist who assured me my pulse was too weak and I could never hold a pregnancy etc. Then last cycle she was checking me over and had given the all clear to go ahead, when I mentioned something about a pulse in my stomach.
I had always noticed this pulse after implantation in the lower back and navel and assumed it had something to do with being pregnant (I had it all through my pregnancy with Sage). Turns out she said it was extremely bad and meant my adrenals are totally out of whack. I was a bit shocked she had never picked this up before, (as my pills and potions lady always goes on about my adrenals being stressed) - How did I never mention it! So that cycle too was canceled.
After going nearly 3 times a week for two months for acupuncture, - I have (spent a lot of money - but less than IVF with no insurance) and as usual have had a very stressful life. This last cycle the acupuncturist said I was still not ready. I was so upset.
Acupuncturist off on holiday and office closed - I was surprised to get a text message from her on christmas day, saying she had changed her mind and if it wasn't too late I should try! Actually I was a bit pissed off.
I can only assume she consulted her oracle and it told her waiting another month would probably be worse!
So in two months of acupuncture, I have managed to start sleeping much better - through the night sometimes, my geographic tongue has not been better (in the last 3 years) and life has gotten a little easier. Whether this makes me a baby or not remains to be seen.
When I went in to the clinic the day after my OPK surge, I knew I had already ovulated the night before. Doc could not find a dominate follicle, so supposed I was correct, and my progesterone was just where it should be - so 15 hours after ovulation I was given IUI number 8!
Prayers please!
Monday, December 16, 2013
Upsetting words
After having sat out my last two cycles (because the acupuncturist said they could not possibly work - and having spent a small fortune on acupuncture), I am finally getting ready to plant the magic seed again! (and of course Sage is still not completely weaned) We are down to just 3 times a day!
My mother is staying with us. She arrived uninvited for Christmas (I did invite her to come either before christmas - or January), but no, so things are a tad stressful.
I got particularly upset when I related to my mother that the palm reader had told me I would be giving birth before the next year is out and she said "well anyway I don't think it makes any difference to me if you have a boy or a girl, because I most likely won't be here (i.e. alive) anyway." and continued "don't you think it's really irresponsible for you to have another child when you have absolutely no-one to rely on should you get sick.
Many hours spent crying.
My mother is staying with us. She arrived uninvited for Christmas (I did invite her to come either before christmas - or January), but no, so things are a tad stressful.
I got particularly upset when I related to my mother that the palm reader had told me I would be giving birth before the next year is out and she said "well anyway I don't think it makes any difference to me if you have a boy or a girl, because I most likely won't be here (i.e. alive) anyway." and continued "don't you think it's really irresponsible for you to have another child when you have absolutely no-one to rely on should you get sick.
Many hours spent crying.
Thursday, November 14, 2013
One thing after the next
Shortly after my surgery , the au pair having departed I noticed something was up with our extremely lovely nanny. She didn't seem to want to go home - I wondered is she was lonely, if everything was Ok at home. The next week she quit, on a tuesday in the middle of the day. I had asked her not to give juice to Sage and not to buy her gifts (every time they went somewhere). Nanny said I was being too controlling of recent, and that was that. As luck would have it, our guardian angel stepped in and somehow I was able to make it thru the week without missing any work.
Three weeks later the new au pair arrived. I must not be good a choosing - but I guess its crazy idea to choose anyone over the internet to play with a pre verbal child. She likes to watch the child - but not play with her, and stated that in her country children are much more advanced because they can "play by themselves."
With over two thousand hours of experience, she also managed to put on the first diaper back to front. When I handed her Sage saying "needs a diaper change - clothes changed because of paint from messy art and a face wash - None of the above happened. Apparently the one a three quarter year old said she didn't want any changing and this was accepted!
Sage does not seem happy with her, the au pair assures me the only problem is when I am home. I do not trust her.
Better news is that I happened on finding a lady to read my palm. I said I was worried she would say stuff about my future, that would freak me out - that I would not be able to change. She said the only things that are set, in this life are the children we will have. I thought I acted like it was no big deal and sat down to have my hand read.She told me lots of things I know to be true about myself. Then she asked if Sage was my only child, and said "are you single? how old are you (nearly 43) hmm - because it looks as though by this time next year you will already have - or be heavily pregnant with another baby - most likely a boy."
After that I was so extremely happy - the fact she told me I would move house within a couple of years to a new city - because of a much better job - and meet a man - was almost no big deal!
On the TTC front, Sage is STILL breast feeding - Occasionally we find things such as alligator and camel milk in the refrigerator to encourage less dependence on me - but with all the changes at home it has been hard to wean. I still find it difficult to sleep properly at night (not because of the feeding but because of insomnia), and my tongue looks awful (geographic tongue). I am connived that these symptoms both need to improve before I can get pregnant.
I found a new acupuncturist who said my pulse was So awful I could not get pregnant anyway at the moment - so I waited to yet another cycle, and am going three times a week for treatment , to see how much better I can get.
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