Friday, January 24, 2014

Head in the clouds

After much debate as to whether I should save my seed until my tongue looks perfect (from the acupuncturist's stand point) or plant it before I get even older - finally managed to make my decision.  Firstly I should say that overwhelmingly everyone said - PLANT NOW - (many thanks for the comments), and thats what I really wanted to do, but then something happened.

I was out with Sage at the park meeting another SMC.  They got delayed, it was freezing and by the time they arrived I was ready to go home.  But then the sun came out and we warmed up.  I asked what she thought I should do and she said "DO IT NOW."   We played some more,  kicking the ball around with the kids, trying to catch them, etc.  Until suddenly she said "You know I've never seen you like this, full of energy, running around, having so much fun,  Perhaps you SHOULD give yourself a whole month of feeling good before you plant".  And the idea of waiting and feeling full of energy suddenly seemed even more appealing than feeling run down and pregnant.   Also I realized it would put me closer to spring when naturally everything grows.  So there was my plan.

Then I went home and it so happened that the next carer to come look after Sage was the lovely girl who met me the very first time when I was struggling with insanity and worse after Sage was born.  In fact she had to counsel me / I tortured her - for an entire night, when I was too ill to cope.  She immediately said "Another month of feeling well, could only be a good thing if you are to get through a whole pregnancy and delivery."  So there was no changing my mind.

The next day was my birthday, a great day, I turned 43.   Now I consider myself to be a fairly smart in life,  on the ball, up to date sort of person, so I was shocked to be reading a blog and find out that as of 43 I am now too old to even attempt IVF at all but 3 clinics across the US.  Why did my doctor never mention it to me during the whole last year , or even when they gave me the promotion for 2 IUI's leading to IVF.  She never said " but you have only 3 months to use this".  

Turns out the success rates for people at my clinic for ages 41-42 with IVF is only 9 percent!  Good job I had always thought of not wasting my money in town (I plan on an extraordinarily expensive trip to colorado!)

So now I try to remain positive that it doesn't matter that I am so old - because my perfect tongue and acupuncture will do the trick - or a medicated IUI cycle thereafter! Oh and my new thing is going to be hypnotherapy - I just have to get an appointment - she's booked for the next 6 weeks!

And I still haven't ovulated yet on this cycle - perhaps I am already too old to ovulate? - Or perhaps Sage has been breast feeding a little more than I have admitted even to myself.  I am now 3 or 4 days late for ovulation - one just too many extra feeds - and a couple unmentionable feeds in the night.

Only yesterday she wanted milk on awaking from her nap - I gave it to her, and the carer said afterwards "It must have been the milk - she was just so calm and easy to play with all evening."  How on earth do mothers do it without breast milk - I have no idea.  When my baby - ok she's 25 months now, feeds from me she is the easiest child in the world.  If however she has Camel milk (what we call goat or cow milk) she is just a regular impossible two year old!

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