Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Baby on Board!

I should have posted something few days ago - I just couldn't believe it.  After 34 months of disappointment, I am now properly pregnant.  The doctor actually called me today to tell me himself.  MyBeta 10 days past 5 day transfer was something just over 400 - and home pregnancy test line is as dark as control line.

It's so weird I really don't feel pregnant hardly at all.  I yawn quite a bit, but am not especially tired -and  I snack frequently but when I think back to how I felt when I was pregnant with Sage, it all feels so much easier.  Some of this I put down to not having to take the crinone (vaginal progesterone).  I am doing the injections in oil - and this has been no problem at all (and importantly does not make my whole uterus go into spasm with every dose.)

This is probably too much info - but suffice it to say I am delighted - and am doing another Beta Monday.  Only one thing is the Same as with Sage - I seem to have quite a high Beta number!

As always when there's one thing going on there's always another twenty important things at the same time - we are a bit busy - and leave at the end of a hectic week of work to make our fist trip to Disney.  Not sure my timing was great - But needless to say - I will be trying to take it a bit "easy"

Monday, October 19, 2015


Some people say it is love at first sight - others say it's love on hearing the heart beat.  When I had Sage there was no such sudden emotion - it was an incredibility slow growing love - that has just grown and developed.  Now she is nearly four I totally adore her!

But the oddest thing happened when I showed up for my single embryo transfer.  I had been waiting for some sort of special sign or auspicious moment, but there had been absolutely none.   I even did a special meditation - to no avail.  I couldn't concentrate.  The nanny who I had brought with us for the road trip from SmallTown to Atlanta disappeared into our hotel room - taken suddenly with a stomach bug, and I thought I would be late for the transfer

The clinic called me the day before to tell me that out of 6 eggs I had bought there was one grade A blast, one grade B and they would wait to see what might happen with the rest but didn't hold out much hope.  The nurse directed me to drink 40 ounces of water and hour before (I took it easy and drank three glasses of dilute apple juice- which was apparently just fine.)  I just remember wanting to pee so badly when I was pregnant with Sage that I would nearly throw up at the same time - and didn't fancy any sort of accident.

When I arrived in the transfer room the nurse showed me my embryo on the screen and in a flash all my anxiety's of the previous day just vanished.  I quit worrying about what sort of person I was bringing into this world.   It was as though I caught a glimpse of the divine.  I think I couldn't stop marveling at how beautiful the embryo picture was - until finally the embryologist came out and said that actually it was a pretty good looking blast!

Then I made them read out both the donor numbers - and thankfully everything seemed to be just what I had ordered (Sage's sperm donor + egg donor).

We chatted a little and the embryologist told me I have a two percent chance of identicles - He looked shocked when I told him that this was absolutely not allowed to happened and I had been told it was only one percent- I had previously explained to the Doc if he gave me twins - either he takes one home or he fixes it - He told me I would do just fine with twins - I assured him that there are plenty of people are praying for me that I get just one - because I won't be just fine!

The embryo was placed in a few seconds - and to my surprise the on call doctor doing the procedure  seemed quite excited gave me a huge hug and wished me a ton of luck.  And I was off on my long drive back to SmallTown.

When I came down to reception to pick up Sage and the Nanny - the security guard was all over me (a young 20's dude) "Oh you have a musical instrument with you - won't you play for me - You are THE BEST - can I watch you on Youtube etc."  I took this as a  good Omen.  When I was pregnant with Sage I also seemed to have some sort of unusual charisma!

So far I have not felt any particular sensations other than the usual cramping that I had from the mock transfer too.  I'm really hoping this works!

Friday, September 4, 2015

A new start: Donor egg

It has been over a year since I last posted.  Quite honestly I just didn't imagine anyone would want to read of one failed pregnancy attempt after the next.  My FSH shot up to 119 for a time - there was hope for in sight for a while when the acupuncturist got me ovulating again - FSH back to 37.  I even got pregnant and had a chemical.  But I really tried not to focus on what was going wrong - just on the positives - How much I was enjoying being a mummy of  a growing child.

For those interested - I got Sage to quit breast Feeding - it did nothing for my cycles, but it did help me put on 20 pounds - which I am actively ignoring :-(  and even more oddly turned my hitherto delightfully angelic child into a horrible impossible three year old - the sort one wishes never to have - and that people brought up properly and taught to stop screaming in public places.  Six months on we are doing a lot better - and I am definitely stronger - but she frequently has her hand down my shirt for comfort and asks to "pretend drink"

For a time I wondered if I really wanted to continue with TTC for No 2.  I signed up after the chemical for donor egg.  It took for EVER for me and the clinic to get our ducks in a row - from My clinic faxing twice all my history to the wrong number - and the new clinic losing  the forms once they had arrived.  Three months later I was able to start choosing a (frozen egg) donor.

If anyone knows me IRW - I am quite fussy - there only was one suitable sperm donor I ever found to make Sage.  Second day on egg bank I found someone 7 inches shorter than me that had an identical photo to me as a child.  Apparently she was a very good match to me (no adult photos shown).  After accepting her in a rush - I realized that she answered every question in one word.  I turned her down.

The next egg donor I found looked nice but had a family history of diabetes I, II and thyroid - all of which have some genetic component.  The third donor I liked disappeared before i could sign the forms. The fourth was perfect, only one of the gorgeous childhood photos absolutely reminded me of someone I really disliked in college.  On a whim I showed the photos to my daughter and said "would you like to play with this girl" and Sage a said "NO, I don't like her"  While I gave myself 20 min to come to my senses and realize that this donor had nothing to do with my friend in college - she disappeared from the website.  I found a fifth lovely donor - only it transpired that every single male member of her family had come to some early and unfortunate end - in various bizarre accidents or car crashes.  I decided that it would be too sad to bring a child into a family where there are no men, from a donor where all the men were fated.

After 4 months of waiting I decided to widen my options- I ended up settling on the sixth donor - of different / mixed ethnicity but similar coloring, four inches shorter than me.  I liked her - and hopefully the kid will come out not looking too too different from me!  There was only one exceptionally fuzzy child photo of her - I have no idea if she was good-looking or not.  Here I say a small prayer.

I haven't had a period in months and this has helped me say goodbye to my own eggs - I called the clinic and asked them too test me to see if I can do the short protocol.  And I can (I think this will save me a few weeks of hormones).  They confirmed I have FSH still over 100  - good to know because I hot flush every couple of hours.

As excited as I am to get moving - I realize I am angry for all those people who get pregnant so easily.  I passed a very young girl at the store today who could not have been more than 11 or 12 - she must have been 4-5 months along.  I was horrified, she had NO female curves - only a protruding stomach - at first I thought she was bloated from being starved - then I realized she was just a pregnant child.

As excited as I am to get going I just feel I am so late in the day - why did I leave it so long?  Then I have to think of all the things I need to get done before I'm throwing up every day - how will I cope.  the new Nanny I appointed just quit to sell cosmetics - called me sunday morning at 855am to let us know she was vanishing effective immediately.

Sage starts daycare - fingers crossed!