Friday, July 29, 2011

How I shared my BIG NEWS

I wanted to find a somewhat lighthearted way of letting people know the following.  
1) I am pregnant,  2) It was not an accident / easy to become so,  3) I am not gay, and would have preferred to be married,  4)  I used a donor,  5) If you're not happy with that, keep it to yourself.

The following letter / email is something that I sent out in varying editions, to my extended family / friends / colleagues.  The good news is that so far - and it has only been a few days though - I have received the MOST LOVELY messages from about a third of the people - and Nothing at all from the rest - Which as far as I am concerned is a Best Possible Outcome!  FYI -  I am not actually terribly religious - but thought it wouldn't hurt to sound as though God was on my side for this letter!
To my Dear Uncles, Aunts, Cousins / Spouses, Nieces and Nephews,

I trust that everyone is enjoying their summer.  I wanted to take a moment share some of my Wonderful News with you.

I am sure it has not gone unnoticed, that over the years I have kissed a number of frogs, but sadly none of these ended in a wedding.  Some time ago I came to the realization that youth does not last forever and so decided to take life into my own hands.

With the help of a very lovely donor and a great many doctors, I am now proud to announce that I am reliably informed that Christmas will be a very Blessed one this year.  Santa is expected to be delivering me a baby girl!

I understand that the Ways of the Modern World may be a bit much for some of you, but sincerely hope nonetheless that you may find it in your hearts be able to join in the Happiness and Joy that my mother and I have so long awaited.

Please find attached a photo I snapped of the very last frog to get away!

With love and best wishes to you all,

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Warning - don't eat Poppy seeds if you're going to Deliver soon!

I just saw a horrible news item about two mothers that had their baby's taken away from them because they failed a routine drug test when they were in hospital to deliver.  It turns out one of them had eaten a chicken salad with poppy seed dressing, and the other a poppy seed bagel prior to delivery.  One of the mothers only got her child returned after something like 76 DAYS.  I can't imagine something so horrendous and stupid as this happening.  I wanted to know - were they informed that they were being drug tested - and who paid for it?  Will they test me without my knowledge?  It just makes me even more scared of going into hospital.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Great News 18 week ultrasound

Today was the long awaited day.  The doctor was very happy with everything he saw on the ultrasound - the detail was just amazing - I saw all four chambers of the heart, the internal organs, the lens of the eye - baby kicking me (which I could Not feel). And most importantly - the acupuncturist in London who told me at 9.5 weeks I was having a boy - is Wrong!  Its a Girl.  I am delighted - and still quite shocked - now I have to figure out girl names - hmm and perhaps return a couple items of clothing!

On the down side - after 4 days of feeling much better - I just threw up the meal I ate - and am off to bed to try and allay the migraine which seems to be rearing its head again.  The good news is that the doc said I can take one baby aspirin a day if that will help the headaches.  Oh and I may feel like crap - but I am So Happy to know I avoided the amnio and that Baby looks just fine.  She is definitely my daughter too - the tech said - "oh what long legs she has" - between hip and knee - just like me!

My mother is delighted it's a girl too.  Though she is SO sexist, she even said "oh it will be So much easier to look after a girl - after all, with a girl there are many fewer things to go wrong"!!!!  In a way, although I am really excited - it would have been nice to have a boy - I often wondered, if people would not have taken me more seriously - when i was a child -  if I had been a boy (being born illegitimate to a single mother.)  I had the feeling that when my mother gave birth to me - people said "she had the baby - it's just a little girl" - It's probably all in my head.  At least if I do decide to go for number two - I won't feel compelled to have them spin the sperm to select for a girl - which I knew I always wanted!

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Things I woudn't normally admit to!

Getting pregnant has probably been the "project" in my life I have enjoyed less than any other - even though I am still hoping it will turn out to be the most rewarding.

Even before I got pregnant I had a rather good nose.  One of my ex boyfriends called me Madame Sniffagopolis.  Apart from being able to discern rather accurately what he had eaten for the past 24 hours, it turned out that one time he went to a party and smoked One cigarette - I could detect it on his person for the next 10 days.

The other day I sat down at home to do some work, and was overpowered by the most hideous smell.  I thought perhaps it was the light bulb burning - or the dog.  I coudn't figure out where the smell was coming from.  It took me forever to figure out the smell was emanating from MYSELF.  In fact i realize that I can smell tons of different parts of my body - all of which are foul, starting with the smell from my ears - nose, mouth.  I think I need not go on!

For a while I was hating the smell of my normally odorless dog.  The only thing I could do was to make the poor thing take a shower with me - which he hates.  Thankfully of recent I seem to be less sensitive to him.

Yesterday was a Good day.  No migraine, and I hadn't thrown up for three whole days.  I was beginning to feel almost normal, so much so that I was actually able to get some work done - or try to.  However my brain has definitely been in "pregnancy mode" and I notice I find certain tasks much harder than I ever used to.  For instance at a meeting the other day I introduced two people I have known for years - very confidently but entirely by the wrong name.

Sitting down to work, I was having a real problem comprehending a task (due to my brain not functioning), so I decided to drop by co workers house (who is recovering from surgery) to ask for assistance.  On the way, I decided to pick up some food.  It tasted so good.  Only problem was, that after enjoying the meal, I threw up the entire thing in three different spots in the parking lot.  The urge to rid my body of its contents was so violent - I ended up splattering my clothes with sick and peeing my pants too.  (I didn't even know that could happen).  Fortunately I was able to go home, shower, and start the day again.

I did feel a whole lot better though when my colleague had to take out his pen and paper to decipher the instructions - just a few lines working together, took us nearly half an hour to understand.

Later in the day I stopped by the chiropractor - anything to keep the migraines away. On the way back I noticed a store I had never seen before, with loads of children's clothing.   The urge to see what was there was uncontrollable.  I don't even know whether I'm having a boy or a girl yet, so I was determined Not to buy Anything.  (The one designated baby draw at home is already nearly full.)  I just couldn't believe how cheap everything was.  It took me nearly 10 minutes for figure out I was in a Second Hand Store.  Only seconds later I found myself stuffing a nearly new STROLLER into the trunk of my car.  It was So cute - so easy to maneuver - that of course I couldn't let it pass!

When I got home I somewhat guiltily told my mother what I had done - and she said "Did you test the brakes".  That was the one thing I did not think of - and of course the mother ALWAYS knows best. One of the brakes is broken!  I feel So silly.  Now she says I have to take it back! - Personally I think I may just keep it anyway - I don't live on a hill - and can't imagine a situation where I would want to PARK my child by itself in a stroller.  Please tell me now if I am wrong!

And lastly, while some people may have thought for some time that I am looking a little bigger - I have finally come to accept, that I am sporting a small but obvious "baby bump".  It has been 17 weeks after all - and apparently my uterus is now the size of a cantaloupe melon.  I must go to the supermarket to check out exactly how big that is.  I think that although people who meet me for the first time, might still not notice - anyone who knows me  - and isn't totally blind - would have to suspect that "Somethings Up".

When I was in London my mother made me get fitted for a new pregnancy Bra.  My new size was 34E, where before I was only 34C.  Well to turn things around, I finally admitted to myself the new bra may have been English and Expensive - but it also Really Uncomfortable.  So I am back to squeezing myself into one of my old bras.  It may not have the perfect support - but its "oh so much more comfortable."  So to set the record straight - I checked the tag - and now - as of yesterday I am back to a 34 B.  So much for sizing!

Saturday, July 9, 2011

sibling registry

When I was 25, the most wonderful and extraordinary thing happened to me.  I discovered that I had SIX half siblings.  Having never met my father, this seemed like the very next best thing.   When I did get to meet my father - and realizing that he is not someone I really like very much  - Knowing my half siblings was really fabulous and hearing that they had their issues with him too made me feel loads better!

Although I am very happy with the donor I chose - I realized I was a little sad that he did not donate more samples.  I found out from the sperm bank that they only sold his vials to a very few families.  While this may have some good sides to it - I feel my child may miss out on all of the fun associated with larger family ties.

I was interested to find that a friend of mine told me that she looked on Donor sibling registry, and found other half siblings for her child, but that None of those families wanted anything more that to be able to share very basic health information.  In fact at the last SMC workshop I went to it was noticeable that the general feeling seemed to be against being in contact with other half siblings,  so much so that someone felt the need to remind us of the value of at least sharing health information, and the general location where they might live - I guess so they avoid dating each other.

Can anyone enlighten me why people seem to shy away from getting to know their child's half siblings?  I can understand the shock of finding that you share a donor with someone that lives down the road - especially if you don't like them that much - but surely that is the joy of having a large family,  I know myself - I speak to some of my siblings a lot and others hardly at all!

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Firing the OB

Yesterday was my 15 week visit to the OB.  I was quite amused when the nurse informed me I was only 14 weeks 4 days - "because the computer said so" - even though I was inseminated on Friday - and it was a Friday - a week is a week!

The OB seemed rather distracted / uninterested in me, and just informed me "We will test you for everything".   When I asked her what "everything included" she would only tell me  "Its a whole panel of tests".  It took a while to ascertain that she had either not read my chart - or overlooked all the testing done so far, this ment I was able to avaoid having to pay for duplicates.

Once that was sorted out, she got the doppler to find my baby's heart beat - only she couldn't find it.  I thought she was jolly lucky that I didn't freak out - thankfully I just laid there and told her that I was certain Baby was in there Somewhere - because I hadn't seen him come out!  Finally we got it - Baby at 151 beats a minute.  Then she said "That's why we tell patients they should Not get a doppler."

I remembered a good friend telling me I should ask my OB her C-section rate. I had no idea about these numbers except that I know I would prefer not to have to have surgery if I don't need it - and apparently too many C-sections get done because the Doc wants to get home for supper.  Given that my due date is practically Christmas day - I thought I might as well ask.  She refused to give me a number.  "Oh I don't know - We don't do numbers - I suppose I could tell you the national average  - that would be about 33 percent".   I pushed her on it - so finally she said "Well I could guess that Your chance of having one, would probably be about 25%".  When I got home I found out that the hospital she uses for delivery, has about the highest rate of Csection in my area - either 37 or 40% - I wasn't quite sure how to read the chart.

To put the icing on the cake - I also asked her if she knew the Doula that I am thinking of hiring - I was expecting an answer like " Yes / No / She is nice......"  What the Doc said was "well she is not going to do anything medical for you, so it really doesn't matter who you choose".

Thankfully my doula recommended some other OB's that Will be willing to share their C-section rate and a group of midwives that are all closer to the 15% rate - so I am going to see what fun lies ahead!

Meanwhile I have resisted buying Any baby clothes - my mother has not done so well!  I get daily updates on the price of baby items in London- and I have started telling people around my neiborhood and various collegues that I am pregnant - with differential degrees of congratulations and or looks of horror!