Sunday, April 24, 2011

When the Best Friend Reacts Badly!

Truth be said - she is actually my dog's Best Friend's Mother, but we frequently walk the dogs around the neighborhood, such that I feel she is or aught to be one of My best friends.  In fact, she has been more a part of my TTC discussions than anyone except my mother.

As we have both been out of town for some weeks, Friday was the first time I actually got to tell her that I am Pregnant.  Thinking back, she has been very kind to me - an excellent chef, she has taught me to make a number of "Mummy dishes" so that I can be able to cook something my child one day might wish to eat, and she has often baby sat my dog.

I suppose there were a couple of signs that she was not particularly happy for me to try to get pregnant.  I remember the day she told me just after my first IUI "Who knows - you might find they mixed up the sperm, you could be giving birth to a Black baby" to which I said, "That would be just fine - at least I would know that whatever sperm the bank sent, it comes from a super healthy, smart college grad - and the baby will be genetically mine.  But the couple down the road (who did IVF) They could potentially find out that neither of their (gorgeous) twins are theirs at all.  They might belong to another couple entirely!" And thankfully that was the end of that.  I have to admit, I was SO relieved that I never told her about my donor freak out! (About his high forehead and need of a makeover!)

Then there was the time when she said to me, "I don't even know if you will be a good mother - You told me you might not bother buying a crib ((no because I might be lent one - and I do have some odd ideas about child rearing - but obviously will make sure my child is safe)) And you said that if you don't like the way your kids looks when it arrives, you will donate it to GoodWill" - This is actually is true, but I thought anyone would know I was kidding!

After I had heard her latest holiday news, I shared my BIG News.  I heard her saying "I hope you don't think you can replace the love of a Husband with that of a Baby!"  Trying to keep things light hearted, I commented that I wouldn't have to, because I had already replaced it with the love of my DOG.  She did not seem satisfied and said "Well I hope you have a lot of money saved for therapy - because you're going to need it!"  She continued her ruminations, such that I felt bound to say "Well actually there's no way to know What love replaces What - because you don't have a baby in your tommy - and I don't have a husband - so there is no way to compare."

Then she started to say "And what are you going to tell people - about the father - you've GOT to be honest."  The weird thing is that I could understand someone asking me all these questions if this was the first time they had heard of me wanting a baby - but she has been part of the process since well before the beginning! So I said "Well I can say whatever I want - actually it is fairly rude for people to ask - so I might just say I have no idea who he is, whatsoever!"  She then said "You will Have to tell them the Truth - you will have to say - """I couldn't get a steady relationship and I was getting SO old I decided to get myself inseminated""" you HAVE to be honest".  At this point I must admit I was getting really annoyed and I couldn't understand why she would ever think that I would lie - as I am not someone who ever lies.

I guess I was running out of answers, so I said "well I could always ask them for details about their father (as it really is none of their business) - or I could tell them I ordered a vial over the internet" She said "Well their father will actually Have a name, and your child's father doesn't"  Then she actually continued - "Look at how you turned out, with what your mother told you about Your Father" At this point I was really annoyed but tried to keep calm, so said "Well actually my mother has never lied to me - and if you don't mind me saying so, I think I've turned out - just fine"

Now a normal person would probably have left the conversation at this point - but like an idiot I stayed - and brought up less inflammatory topics.  We managed to keep walking a further quarter mile or so, until  we came to a small hill.  At this point I started to feel a little odd / faint / and feel some sort of pressure in places I won't mention, and so sat down for a few minutes under a tree.

Instead of her saying "Are you OK" she said "Well if you're going to start acting Like That, People are going to start asking" and like an idiot I said "Not if you help me think up some really good excuses."  A moment later still immersed in a very unpleasant conversation, we bumped into some neighbors,  and finally I had the good sense to wave good bye, and go on home by my self.  Only when I had arrived home, did it dawn on me that she had never once said Congratulations.

The only explanation I can think of - Is that despite what she has always said (in the four years I have know her) - SHE Wants a Baby!   I am never walking my dog with her again - at least not until she finds a better mood.  The problem is, we keep bumping in to each other - and our dogs just  Love each other!

PS I want to thank everyone for their Lovely Lovely, encouraging and wonderful comments - And Many thanks for my Versatile Blogger Award! -BTW my Second beta test got great numbers and I am currently preparing another post about various gossip that was not relevant to this post!


  1. Yikes, what a horrible person. You're probably right about her being jealous but she still should not be so rude.

    While most people will be curious about the baby daddy, most (well at least some) will be polite enough not to ask.

    Congrats on the great beta numbers!

  2. That's terrible and undeserved. You are amazing as I think I would have lit into her halfway through her rude comments. I know your dogs like each other but you shouldn't have to be exposed to someone so toxic (and yes, I believe she is jealous)!

  3. Oh my gosh, she sounds like a very hateful person. You could very well be right that she's jealous, but I'm still astounded that she would say such horrible things. I've often found myself feeling envious of pregnant women, but I would NEVER say things to take away from their happiness.

    I'm so sorry you had to be subjected to her terrible comments.

  4. It sounds like she has some issues and major unhappiness in her life. I admire you for keeping it light and joking and not getting sucked into her drama. You don't need that negativity.

  5. OMG, did she throw stones at you when you parted company. You're totally right, she wants a baby and she's totally jealous.

    Try to find another friend for your dog. You don't need that kind of negativity.

  6. She sounds like a beast. I felt the urge to punch her in the throat. She's the one who needs therapy and a lot of it. Stay far away from this "joy bandit". You need only loving and supportive people around you now. Your dog will find new friends too!

  7. I think you hit the nail on the head... She is jealous and has issues of her own. But it is easier for her to take it out on you.

    I think you are doing the right thing by avoiding her now. Just let the dogs say hi, and keep moving.

  8. The more I think of this, the more I think I need to get a dog to be your dog's new best friend, just so you can avoid this crazy woman!

  9. How awful! I'm sorry you've had this experience with you 'friend' when all you want to do is celebrate.

  10. wow, that's horrible. I can't believe that a person could be so awful/insensitive/horrible to another person. I can understand her question about what are you going to tell people - I often wonder how people deal with that... not in a bad way, just out of curiousity... do you be completely honest? do you lie? do you avoid the question? But it seems that she was out of control with her negativity.

    Good for you for fighting back and deciding to keep her negativity out of her life.

    I"m so excited for you - I hope that things go well... and to hell with what others think/say.

    PS - I read my husband a bit of what the woman said... his response "yeah, sounds like the friend is bat-shit insane".

  11. Oh wow! Does she have issues!

    Congrats on the pregnancy :-).

  12. What a b*tch! I think you're right, sound like she wants a baby herself.