I didn't know I was pregnant! - NOT

I didn't know I was pregnant used to be my favorite TV show.  I always dreamed that perhaps somehow I would find out that mysteriously I was pregnant too.  But now that I am VERY pregnant at 32 weeks - I thought I should write a very few of the small ways that You May Notice You Are Pregnant. And how the show has got it All wrong.  Instead of making fun of these poor souls who drop babies in bathrooms - we should be studying them to find out how they managed to go through a whole pregnancy and give birth so easily!

This is how I noticed I am pregnant
1, My waist is over a foot larger than it used to be.
2, I wake up every few hours in the night to pee and drink more water
3, I throw up all the time
4, I am always tired
5, People who never used to talk to me at work - routinely ask after the baby
6, I pee my pants whenever I throw up,
7, Everybody smells bad - most especially myself,
8, I no longer enjoy eating chocolate
9, My mother calls three times a day to ask how I'm doing
10, I have to walk the dog mega slow - because otherwise I start having continual braxton Hicks
11, I have horrendous heart burn (very much eased by chewable papaya enzyme)
12, I lose my keys all the time and forget my appointments.
13, I haven't had the energy to pay any bills for a worrying amount of time
14, I can't fit through spaces I used to be able to at work
15, I no longer feel the need to flirt with geeky single men
16, I always used to be the first to pack up from work - now I am usually the last one there - having a "just in case" visit to the bathroom.
17, I spend far too long thinking up strategies to get my midwife to sign me out of work on disability.
18, I don't give a shxt about all the crap going on at work - I am just so relieved when I get to go home.
19, I have no interest in accumulating any more baby accessories!
20, I am often too tired to answer my phone, even when I really like the person calling.

If anyone can give me any tips for getting some time off work I would much appreciate it!