Oh no, where's my AMH all gone!

I went to my internist to get my thyroid checked because I have lost so much weight.  The results have come back normal - so no answers there.  Perhaps after all I have been eating less because of my teeth situation (two pulled out, finally out of pain after 4 months, but I can still only eat on one side.  Waiting for partial, which keeps getting delayed - they screwed it up last time, and it got lost in the queue for today's dentist visit).

I also plucked up the courage to ask my internist to have my AMH tested.  I just wasn't prepared to get the news before now, so in actual fact I never asked that Dr Uncommunicative test me - and she never suggests anything on her own!

When I got pregnant with Sage I had 0.52.  Since it has been exactly 2 years since I got pregnant - I looked up average loss per year which is supposed to be about 0.1.  I was bracing myself for something low.  What I got is  0.16.

I suppose it's good to know what's what, depressing as it is.  Now I really do have to start weaning.  Not just talking about it - Actually weaning her.  (I can't start taking any drugs until I do).  The problem is that my life has been so extremely stressful recently, and breast feeding her is just the easiest for me.  I also remember when I tried to wean her at 5 weeks (due to mastitis) how extremely depressed I became.

I have had So many huge things going on at the same time - an article was published about me in a national newspaper about my having been sexually abused as a teenager - continual teeth issues (pain annoyance & surgery, I have been going back and forth on a house I might be moving in to, and accompanying financial worries, tax problems, issues at work, new nanny, sleep problems, and the fact I have to home cook every single thing I eat because of allergies (which keep me awake at night if I am not careful).  I could go on.  I know everyone has a life - that is not easy, but mine seems to have been just too full and too difficult since getting pregnant with Sage.

But I am just Determined to have another baby, because it's something that can't wait until I'm 50!  Stale eggs or fresh eggs.  I just have to get on a schedule, and put my name down for IVF or fresh eggs at a proper clinic, with a real doctor (before I run out of sage's magic seed!)

I firmly believe that it will just be hard for a couple more years, then the rest will be So much easier.  Already I just LOVE having Sage So SO much.  If there is anyone out there who is reading this and thinking  "do i really want a child"  my answer is "YES" my child is everything and more than I had ever imagined a child could be.  "Pushing the pram" is just such fun!

Planting the seed

I finally got to plant my Magic Seed in April.  I nearly missed my fertile window. Luckily I insisted that Doc Uncommunicative inseminate me even though she thought it was the wrong day.  Most clinics rely on OPK's for signs of imminent ovulation, mine chooses a progesterone test.  Quite a number of RE's have told me point blank "progesterone is no measure of ovulation" and I would add to this "ESPECIALLY when the mother is still BREASTFEEDING." I was proved right when I suggested I go in for the progesterone tests the days following the insemination "in case we need to do another insemination" so we could collect data for any following cycles.  Fortunately the day after the "planting" my progesterone had skyrocketed proving that had we waited, we would have been Way Too Late!

Fortunately I could feel that conception had most definitely taken place.  An unusual sizzle in the tits, incredible tiredness with extremely deep sleep and extraordinarily vivid dreams for the first time since  my pregnancy with Sage.  Upon awakening my muscles ached in my fingers (not  such a great sign or things to come!).  A certain enlargement / widening  of my uterus, mysterious pains in the feminine area, and I could go on and on.

I was So happy and excited to be pregnant again, and although I felt tired I also felt extremely Well and Happy.  I couldn't believe that at 42 I could get pregnant so easily!  Then I started testing, and at day 10 finally got my BFP on a very sensitive test.  I was elated.  That is until that is I got my period full force the very next day!

Nearly the exact same thing happened for my May cycle too, except I knew at 5days PO that something had gone wrong....

Now something definitely has to change.  I went to see my general practitioner yesterday whom I greatly trust.   I also have two  unusual problems:  My tongue looks terrible (an acupuncturist would be horrified - hardly any coating and blotches all over) and also,  I keep losing weight despite the vast amounts of chocolate moose and ice cream I keep eating.  I have never been skinnier as an adult (and I am loving it!).  Not surprisingly I am reluctant to have this problem fixed too soon -for obvious reasons - but at the same time I can't help thinking something must not be quite right.

She is running various tests - thyroid etc and told me I have to stop the breast feeding because there is no way of knowing what the prolactin might be doing to prevent me being pregnant.  She also said if I don't manage to get pregnant soon, I will never forgive myself, for not going all out.  I know she is right.  I also don't want to waste the remaining  Magic seed from Sage's donor, because I cant buy any more.

Time to wean, and off to the health food store!