I didn't know I was pregnant used to be my favorite TV show. I always dreamed that perhaps somehow I would find out that mysteriously I was pregnant too. But now that I am VERY pregnant at 32 weeks - I thought I should write a very few of the small ways that You May Notice You Are Pregnant. And how the show has got it All wrong. Instead of making fun of these poor souls who drop babies in bathrooms - we should be studying them to find out how they managed to go through a whole pregnancy and give birth so easily!
This is how I noticed I am pregnant
1, My waist is over a foot larger than it used to be.
2, I wake up every few hours in the night to pee and drink more water
3, I throw up all the time
4, I am always tired
5, People who never used to talk to me at work - routinely ask after the baby
6, I pee my pants whenever I throw up,
7, Everybody smells bad - most especially myself,
8, I no longer enjoy eating chocolate
9, My mother calls three times a day to ask how I'm doing
10, I have to walk the dog mega slow - because otherwise I start having continual braxton Hicks
11, I have horrendous heart burn (very much eased by chewable papaya enzyme)
12, I lose my keys all the time and forget my appointments.
13, I haven't had the energy to pay any bills for a worrying amount of time
14, I can't fit through spaces I used to be able to at work
15, I no longer feel the need to flirt with geeky single men
16, I always used to be the first to pack up from work - now I am usually the last one there - having a "just in case" visit to the bathroom.
17, I spend far too long thinking up strategies to get my midwife to sign me out of work on disability.
18, I don't give a shxt about all the crap going on at work - I am just so relieved when I get to go home.
19, I have no interest in accumulating any more baby accessories!
20, I am often too tired to answer my phone, even when I really like the person calling.
If anyone can give me any tips for getting some time off work I would much appreciate it!
Monday, October 31, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Embarrassing Moment
The stuff of nightmares and I ended up just fine!
Yesterday I got caught on the train (in england) in an automatic toilet - on the seat - throwing in the basin - and the automatic door Opened all by itself! (In full view of whole carriage). I want to say that everyone sat laughing and staring at my behind, and me stretched out making hideous noises into the sink - but thankfully most people were busy reading their papers and being so very English ! - And shortly there after I felt a Ton relieved - and a second later it was as though nothing had ever happened.
No one even gave me a second glance. And I was just So grateful that I got everything contained in a suitable place!
Oh the joys of being pregnant!
Sunday, August 14, 2011
21 and a half weeks
One of the first things I did when finding out that my due date was practically christmas day, was to immediately book a Doula. Fortunately the very first one I met seemed perfect for the job: intelligent, confident, empathic and good at giving directions.
We had our second meeting at my house last week. She asked me all kinds of questions like - Have you felt the baby move? - Do you talk to your baby? - Are you worried about the birth? All of which I had to say No No No. Truth be said I don't even feel in the slightest bit emotionally attached to my baby. Apparently something to do with my placenta being against my stomach, makes it more difficult to feel her move - perhaps this has something to do with it. I am hoping that in due course mother nature will kick in - but for right now - I can only hope that I am not too unusual in feeling No Emotional Attachment Whatsoever. I keep joking with people if this doesn't change by the time the baby is a few weeks old - I can always sell her to the highest bidder on the internet. Not sure though if this eases anyone's anxiety's other than my own!
The Doula is definitely very lovely and a bit crazy, but she also Overstayed her Welcome - just a tad. I am sure it's good sign - after all I don't want her encouraging the C-section so she can get home for her lunch! (She explained to me how she would be having me brush my teeth every hour or so to bring on an endorphin rush - so I guess I will be coming home with a Baby and the cleanest teeth in the hospital!) I knew I was not feeling too good while she was at my house and a couple minutes after she left, I threw up all over my neighbors yard. People passing / walking the dogs were awfully nice. Fairly sure though if I saw someone throwing, I would be tempted to keep more distance!
One of the best things about finding out I am having a Girl, was that I got the news just 3 days before the Largest thrift sale that I could ever had IMAGINED. Everything was So cheap - I felt like a millionaire! I may not be emotionally attached to Baby - but I sure am materialistically attached! I bought a TON of clothes - it took hours! In fact baby probably now has as big a wardrobe as I do - only she hasn't even been born yet - We have at least enough clothes, toys, blankets and gadgets to get us through the whole first year. All of them for cents on the dollar. Its embarrassing - but I actually counted and I had brought home clothes that hung on 80 hangers!!!!!!!!!!! and many of these had two or more pieces!
I know that many people feel its tempting fate to buy baby items before Baby is better cooked - but I figured that if they only have this sale twice a year - the next time it comes - I will either be in the hospital delivering - or home with a brand new baby - and not able to tolerate the stress of shopping (and hunting out the bargain - before the next person gets to it).
Of course this has led me to spend hours considering what I would do if something goes wrong with this baby. Because everyone I know, KNOWS about my "little project" and I am realizing that one can't count on anything in this world going as one would like it to. If this baby doesn't make it I could either keep all the stuff and hope that I get pregnant again - and that the next Baby is a girl - or give it away to charity. Just for the record, I spent 368 dollars - but I literally have EVERYTHING I could possibly need except for the car seat and a breast pump. I wasn't sure how hygienic it would be to use someone else's!
I am spending the next few days getting ready for another trip to visit The Mother. I have the feeling it is going to be a Long Visit. She has already told me I am supposed to be doeing 50 kegel exercises at a quarter past every hour, and that I am Not Allowed to sit on any sofa or soft chair - in case it makes the baby breach - and that I should be doing proper breathing exercises! Hmmm. What was I thinking!
We had our second meeting at my house last week. She asked me all kinds of questions like - Have you felt the baby move? - Do you talk to your baby? - Are you worried about the birth? All of which I had to say No No No. Truth be said I don't even feel in the slightest bit emotionally attached to my baby. Apparently something to do with my placenta being against my stomach, makes it more difficult to feel her move - perhaps this has something to do with it. I am hoping that in due course mother nature will kick in - but for right now - I can only hope that I am not too unusual in feeling No Emotional Attachment Whatsoever. I keep joking with people if this doesn't change by the time the baby is a few weeks old - I can always sell her to the highest bidder on the internet. Not sure though if this eases anyone's anxiety's other than my own!
The Doula is definitely very lovely and a bit crazy, but she also Overstayed her Welcome - just a tad. I am sure it's good sign - after all I don't want her encouraging the C-section so she can get home for her lunch! (She explained to me how she would be having me brush my teeth every hour or so to bring on an endorphin rush - so I guess I will be coming home with a Baby and the cleanest teeth in the hospital!) I knew I was not feeling too good while she was at my house and a couple minutes after she left, I threw up all over my neighbors yard. People passing / walking the dogs were awfully nice. Fairly sure though if I saw someone throwing, I would be tempted to keep more distance!
One of the best things about finding out I am having a Girl, was that I got the news just 3 days before the Largest thrift sale that I could ever had IMAGINED. Everything was So cheap - I felt like a millionaire! I may not be emotionally attached to Baby - but I sure am materialistically attached! I bought a TON of clothes - it took hours! In fact baby probably now has as big a wardrobe as I do - only she hasn't even been born yet - We have at least enough clothes, toys, blankets and gadgets to get us through the whole first year. All of them for cents on the dollar. Its embarrassing - but I actually counted and I had brought home clothes that hung on 80 hangers!!!!!!!!!!! and many of these had two or more pieces!
I know that many people feel its tempting fate to buy baby items before Baby is better cooked - but I figured that if they only have this sale twice a year - the next time it comes - I will either be in the hospital delivering - or home with a brand new baby - and not able to tolerate the stress of shopping (and hunting out the bargain - before the next person gets to it).
Of course this has led me to spend hours considering what I would do if something goes wrong with this baby. Because everyone I know, KNOWS about my "little project" and I am realizing that one can't count on anything in this world going as one would like it to. If this baby doesn't make it I could either keep all the stuff and hope that I get pregnant again - and that the next Baby is a girl - or give it away to charity. Just for the record, I spent 368 dollars - but I literally have EVERYTHING I could possibly need except for the car seat and a breast pump. I wasn't sure how hygienic it would be to use someone else's!
I am spending the next few days getting ready for another trip to visit The Mother. I have the feeling it is going to be a Long Visit. She has already told me I am supposed to be doeing 50 kegel exercises at a quarter past every hour, and that I am Not Allowed to sit on any sofa or soft chair - in case it makes the baby breach - and that I should be doing proper breathing exercises! Hmmm. What was I thinking!
Friday, July 29, 2011
How I shared my BIG NEWS
I wanted to find a somewhat lighthearted way of letting people know the following.
1) I am pregnant, 2) It was not an accident / easy to become so, 3) I am not gay, and would have preferred to be married, 4) I used a donor, 5) If you're not happy with that, keep it to yourself.
The following letter / email is something that I sent out in varying editions, to my extended family / friends / colleagues. The good news is that so far - and it has only been a few days though - I have received the MOST LOVELY messages from about a third of the people - and Nothing at all from the rest - Which as far as I am concerned is a Best Possible Outcome! FYI - I am not actually terribly religious - but thought it wouldn't hurt to sound as though God was on my side for this letter!
....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
To my Dear Uncles, Aunts, Cousins / Spouses, Nieces and Nephews,
I trust that everyone is enjoying their summer. I wanted to take a moment share some of my Wonderful News with you.
I am sure it has not gone unnoticed, that over the years I have kissed a number of frogs, but sadly none of these ended in a wedding. Some time ago I came to the realization that youth does not last forever and so decided to take life into my own hands.
With the help of a very lovely donor and a great many doctors, I am now proud to announce that I am reliably informed that Christmas will be a very Blessed one this year. Santa is expected to be delivering me a baby girl!
I understand that the Ways of the Modern World may be a bit much for some of you, but sincerely hope nonetheless that you may find it in your hearts be able to join in the Happiness and Joy that my mother and I have so long awaited.
Please find attached a photo I snapped of the very last frog to get away!
With love and best wishes to you all,
1) I am pregnant, 2) It was not an accident / easy to become so, 3) I am not gay, and would have preferred to be married, 4) I used a donor, 5) If you're not happy with that, keep it to yourself.
The following letter / email is something that I sent out in varying editions, to my extended family / friends / colleagues. The good news is that so far - and it has only been a few days though - I have received the MOST LOVELY messages from about a third of the people - and Nothing at all from the rest - Which as far as I am concerned is a Best Possible Outcome! FYI - I am not actually terribly religious - but thought it wouldn't hurt to sound as though God was on my side for this letter!
....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
To my Dear Uncles, Aunts, Cousins / Spouses, Nieces and Nephews,
I trust that everyone is enjoying their summer. I wanted to take a moment share some of my Wonderful News with you.
I am sure it has not gone unnoticed, that over the years I have kissed a number of frogs, but sadly none of these ended in a wedding. Some time ago I came to the realization that youth does not last forever and so decided to take life into my own hands.
With the help of a very lovely donor and a great many doctors, I am now proud to announce that I am reliably informed that Christmas will be a very Blessed one this year. Santa is expected to be delivering me a baby girl!
I understand that the Ways of the Modern World may be a bit much for some of you, but sincerely hope nonetheless that you may find it in your hearts be able to join in the Happiness and Joy that my mother and I have so long awaited.
Please find attached a photo I snapped of the very last frog to get away!
With love and best wishes to you all,
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Warning - don't eat Poppy seeds if you're going to Deliver soon!
I just saw a horrible news item about two mothers that had their baby's taken away from them because they failed a routine drug test when they were in hospital to deliver. It turns out one of them had eaten a chicken salad with poppy seed dressing, and the other a poppy seed bagel prior to delivery. One of the mothers only got her child returned after something like 76 DAYS. I can't imagine something so horrendous and stupid as this happening. I wanted to know - were they informed that they were being drug tested - and who paid for it? Will they test me without my knowledge? It just makes me even more scared of going into hospital.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Great News 18 week ultrasound
On the down side - after 4 days of feeling much better - I just threw up the meal I ate - and am off to bed to try and allay the migraine which seems to be rearing its head again. The good news is that the doc said I can take one baby aspirin a day if that will help the headaches. Oh and I may feel like crap - but I am So Happy to know I avoided the amnio and that Baby looks just fine. She is definitely my daughter too - the tech said - "oh what long legs she has" - between hip and knee - just like me!
My mother is delighted it's a girl too. Though she is SO sexist, she even said "oh it will be So much easier to look after a girl - after all, with a girl there are many fewer things to go wrong"!!!! In a way, although I am really excited - it would have been nice to have a boy - I often wondered, if people would not have taken me more seriously - when i was a child - if I had been a boy (being born illegitimate to a single mother.) I had the feeling that when my mother gave birth to me - people said "she had the baby - it's just a little girl" - It's probably all in my head. At least if I do decide to go for number two - I won't feel compelled to have them spin the sperm to select for a girl - which I knew I always wanted!
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Things I woudn't normally admit to!
Getting pregnant has probably been the "project" in my life I have enjoyed less than any other - even though I am still hoping it will turn out to be the most rewarding.
Even before I got pregnant I had a rather good nose. One of my ex boyfriends called me Madame Sniffagopolis. Apart from being able to discern rather accurately what he had eaten for the past 24 hours, it turned out that one time he went to a party and smoked One cigarette - I could detect it on his person for the next 10 days.
The other day I sat down at home to do some work, and was overpowered by the most hideous smell. I thought perhaps it was the light bulb burning - or the dog. I coudn't figure out where the smell was coming from. It took me forever to figure out the smell was emanating from MYSELF. In fact i realize that I can smell tons of different parts of my body - all of which are foul, starting with the smell from my ears - nose, mouth. I think I need not go on!
For a while I was hating the smell of my normally odorless dog. The only thing I could do was to make the poor thing take a shower with me - which he hates. Thankfully of recent I seem to be less sensitive to him.
Yesterday was a Good day. No migraine, and I hadn't thrown up for three whole days. I was beginning to feel almost normal, so much so that I was actually able to get some work done - or try to. However my brain has definitely been in "pregnancy mode" and I notice I find certain tasks much harder than I ever used to. For instance at a meeting the other day I introduced two people I have known for years - very confidently but entirely by the wrong name.
Sitting down to work, I was having a real problem comprehending a task (due to my brain not functioning), so I decided to drop by co workers house (who is recovering from surgery) to ask for assistance. On the way, I decided to pick up some food. It tasted so good. Only problem was, that after enjoying the meal, I threw up the entire thing in three different spots in the parking lot. The urge to rid my body of its contents was so violent - I ended up splattering my clothes with sick and peeing my pants too. (I didn't even know that could happen). Fortunately I was able to go home, shower, and start the day again.
I did feel a whole lot better though when my colleague had to take out his pen and paper to decipher the instructions - just a few lines working together, took us nearly half an hour to understand.
Later in the day I stopped by the chiropractor - anything to keep the migraines away. On the way back I noticed a store I had never seen before, with loads of children's clothing. The urge to see what was there was uncontrollable. I don't even know whether I'm having a boy or a girl yet, so I was determined Not to buy Anything. (The one designated baby draw at home is already nearly full.) I just couldn't believe how cheap everything was. It took me nearly 10 minutes for figure out I was in a Second Hand Store. Only seconds later I found myself stuffing a nearly new STROLLER into the trunk of my car. It was So cute - so easy to maneuver - that of course I couldn't let it pass!
When I got home I somewhat guiltily told my mother what I had done - and she said "Did you test the brakes". That was the one thing I did not think of - and of course the mother ALWAYS knows best. One of the brakes is broken! I feel So silly. Now she says I have to take it back! - Personally I think I may just keep it anyway - I don't live on a hill - and can't imagine a situation where I would want to PARK my child by itself in a stroller. Please tell me now if I am wrong!
And lastly, while some people may have thought for some time that I am looking a little bigger - I have finally come to accept, that I am sporting a small but obvious "baby bump". It has been 17 weeks after all - and apparently my uterus is now the size of a cantaloupe melon. I must go to the supermarket to check out exactly how big that is. I think that although people who meet me for the first time, might still not notice - anyone who knows me - and isn't totally blind - would have to suspect that "Somethings Up".
When I was in London my mother made me get fitted for a new pregnancy Bra. My new size was 34E, where before I was only 34C. Well to turn things around, I finally admitted to myself the new bra may have been English and Expensive - but it also Really Uncomfortable. So I am back to squeezing myself into one of my old bras. It may not have the perfect support - but its "oh so much more comfortable." So to set the record straight - I checked the tag - and now - as of yesterday I am back to a 34 B. So much for sizing!
Even before I got pregnant I had a rather good nose. One of my ex boyfriends called me Madame Sniffagopolis. Apart from being able to discern rather accurately what he had eaten for the past 24 hours, it turned out that one time he went to a party and smoked One cigarette - I could detect it on his person for the next 10 days.
The other day I sat down at home to do some work, and was overpowered by the most hideous smell. I thought perhaps it was the light bulb burning - or the dog. I coudn't figure out where the smell was coming from. It took me forever to figure out the smell was emanating from MYSELF. In fact i realize that I can smell tons of different parts of my body - all of which are foul, starting with the smell from my ears - nose, mouth. I think I need not go on!
For a while I was hating the smell of my normally odorless dog. The only thing I could do was to make the poor thing take a shower with me - which he hates. Thankfully of recent I seem to be less sensitive to him.
Yesterday was a Good day. No migraine, and I hadn't thrown up for three whole days. I was beginning to feel almost normal, so much so that I was actually able to get some work done - or try to. However my brain has definitely been in "pregnancy mode" and I notice I find certain tasks much harder than I ever used to. For instance at a meeting the other day I introduced two people I have known for years - very confidently but entirely by the wrong name.
Sitting down to work, I was having a real problem comprehending a task (due to my brain not functioning), so I decided to drop by co workers house (who is recovering from surgery) to ask for assistance. On the way, I decided to pick up some food. It tasted so good. Only problem was, that after enjoying the meal, I threw up the entire thing in three different spots in the parking lot. The urge to rid my body of its contents was so violent - I ended up splattering my clothes with sick and peeing my pants too. (I didn't even know that could happen). Fortunately I was able to go home, shower, and start the day again.
I did feel a whole lot better though when my colleague had to take out his pen and paper to decipher the instructions - just a few lines working together, took us nearly half an hour to understand.
Later in the day I stopped by the chiropractor - anything to keep the migraines away. On the way back I noticed a store I had never seen before, with loads of children's clothing. The urge to see what was there was uncontrollable. I don't even know whether I'm having a boy or a girl yet, so I was determined Not to buy Anything. (The one designated baby draw at home is already nearly full.) I just couldn't believe how cheap everything was. It took me nearly 10 minutes for figure out I was in a Second Hand Store. Only seconds later I found myself stuffing a nearly new STROLLER into the trunk of my car. It was So cute - so easy to maneuver - that of course I couldn't let it pass!
When I got home I somewhat guiltily told my mother what I had done - and she said "Did you test the brakes". That was the one thing I did not think of - and of course the mother ALWAYS knows best. One of the brakes is broken! I feel So silly. Now she says I have to take it back! - Personally I think I may just keep it anyway - I don't live on a hill - and can't imagine a situation where I would want to PARK my child by itself in a stroller. Please tell me now if I am wrong!
And lastly, while some people may have thought for some time that I am looking a little bigger - I have finally come to accept, that I am sporting a small but obvious "baby bump". It has been 17 weeks after all - and apparently my uterus is now the size of a cantaloupe melon. I must go to the supermarket to check out exactly how big that is. I think that although people who meet me for the first time, might still not notice - anyone who knows me - and isn't totally blind - would have to suspect that "Somethings Up".
When I was in London my mother made me get fitted for a new pregnancy Bra. My new size was 34E, where before I was only 34C. Well to turn things around, I finally admitted to myself the new bra may have been English and Expensive - but it also Really Uncomfortable. So I am back to squeezing myself into one of my old bras. It may not have the perfect support - but its "oh so much more comfortable." So to set the record straight - I checked the tag - and now - as of yesterday I am back to a 34 B. So much for sizing!
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